You know when you change a lot and then you open up a bit more than you already thought you had and suddenly the relationship feels refreshed, relaxed, renewed and you remember such beautiful things about somebody and you see just how splendid of a mother they were and are? It hasn't taken me until now, thirty-one, to see all of these things but it has taken me until thirty-one to have a completely care free, lovingly tender time visiting with my mom.

I am thankful for this peaceful, sweet and new-kind-of relationship we've started.

My mom is beautiful from deep in her heart all the way to those capable-of-anything eyes.

The way she plays, listens patiently, suggests thoughtfully, inserts herself knowingly, and just is with Bea well, it's all I could've asked for, for them. Her way with her granddaughter, her first and only granddaughter, reminds me of how she mothered us, so playfully and sweet, with singing and coloring and imagination and constant, never fleeting, always there love.

I am loving this new us and this you, mom. I am seeing you so clearly and loving it all so much.

Getting calm

I often think about and discuss ways to help Bea, at two and a half, acknowledge a big emotion and get back to calm after her top blows over with big, loud uncontrolled feelings. I hadn't thought about the idea of helping her keep a calm state of mind throughout the day in a preventative sort of way.

Here are some suggestions this interesting blogger gives that resonate with me. Even though our day moves similarly to hers with art, playing outside, and hugs, having the preventative outlook helps my frame of mind. It seems as I grow wiser in this parenting business, some things are certain, there's no real recipe and what worked a few times may not work the next few times.

It is certain though that we are learning Bea's rhythms and even as her needs change, there are things about her personality and needs that I can't quite put my finger on but are more of an instinct that I know about this spirited child that help some of the time navigate through this messy, boisterous and outspoken, wildly emotional, independent and shockingly beautiful age of two. I can barely get through a few hours without enveloping myself around her.

I still lose it sometimes. I still feel crazy sometimes. I still want to run into the backyard with a wine glass in my hand, empty and ready for a squeeze sometimes, but less because I notice if I can remain calm and patient, we all do a little better so I guess that takes a little practice on my end too and a lot of personal care time and may I be frank about how important that is. It's vital for the success of being everyone you are to everyone in your life including yourself. I think I am learning that.

I have these really wonderful friends that remind me that we are human and that it is okay for our children to see these very emotions in us
so I guess it is how we handle these big, alive, human emotions that matters most because we aren't capable of canning them every single time and if we try to and fail what is left is a whole heap of guilt and isn't that a feeling most of us are trying to break away from?



















Here's that link, Tips for a calmer toddler.